The days draw out and the situation stays stagnant, the feelings of crippling emptiness intensifying, running rampant through my mind as dread consumes my time, I stroll under the cloudy night sky searching for answers. A hidden meaning to make it worth it, a single inkling to indicate a purpose, something tangible to fill a latent void, an implausible search wringing me of joy. Is this an inescapable pain that humans must face? Having the question of ‘why?’ dangling in every direction we face, a question we continuously hypothesise and speculate, one whose answer no experiments will be able to generate.
The conclusion I have come to many times before is that there is no connotation, we are conceived and we perish in turn, the time between these two events is to erode you and leave you worn. Some think that building relationships is the solution to seal the void, the strength of love and friendship helping to toil against the storm, but when the time for solitude comes and contemplation begins, the fragility of these bonds are shown to be paper-thin. With friendship comes dependency, a connection that feels unbreakable, but as with you time removes what once felt unshakeable. Reliance leads to disappointments and evolution to contempt and what seemed written in the stars implodes and fades in the end.
We wrangle with thoughts like this, ideas that make us uneasy, our cognitive evolution has led us to confusion, grasping at straws as we search for solutions. The concrete jungles dulling our primal instincts have provoked deeper thinking as we traverse an unnatural landscape, beauty replaced by cold functionality, the uprooting of families highlighting a loss of empathy and remorse, equating to a loss of sanity. A widespread psychopathic tragedy.
The bleakness presented makes us want to believe that the withering of our mortal bodies does not spell the end, that there is retribution for the life you lived whether mired in glory or sin. A fear of mortality is commonplace in this sentient race as the finality of death is seen as a monster by which we are being chased. Complete darkness, eyes sealed never to blink again, a final exhale, a loss of consciousness; the beauty that the end entails. I find our mortality comforting, knowing that after times of both joy and suffering what is left at the end of the tunnel is not light nor darkness but an abyss. Nothing to hope for, no retribution, no heaven or hell given as a solution. To embrace this finality is the ultimate release, with death conquered life lies submissively at your feet. To live embracing death is to live without fear, allowing you to free your mind of thoughts of ‘why?’ and live focusing on doing and enjoying what you can in the short period you are here.
AAOOA
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